Only I...

I had a whole oven trolley fall on my head today...that's really bad. I'm OK though. Only I could get an injury like that. I'm so special .... A few months ago I had a stack of trays on the top shelf fall on my forehead, resulting in a huge bruise and bump on my forehead (I thought that only happened in cartoons...).  Still standing though. It's always funny when it happens to me, can't help but just laugh. Eases the pain a lil.

Let the count down begin

One week...2 days to go. The count down begins.

Ken bought me an ICE CREAM MACHINE, how absolutely awesome is that!? Unfortunately I havnt had the time to try it out yet :(, been so busy. The machine is now in Sydney and I'm not... one more week until I see it again and maybe I'll get to finally make ice cream, so excited!

Just came back from Sydney after doing some Boxing Day shopping with the family, I'm completely wiped out. I forgot that I was meant to buy an ipod for myself today...maybe tomorrow. I need something to blockout the sound of boring~ness when I'm by myself.

I'm a lil sad that I'm going to be leaving this place soon, the fact that I won't be seeing Ken everyday anymore. Though I really do think it's good for us now to have a lil bit of seperation. I'm really going to miss the mental guy, I'm going to miss his annoying nature, his smile that lightens up my world. It's the best for both of us...it won't be goodbye forever.

I'm exhausted now, my thoughts are everywhere and I havnt a clue how to organise them...for now, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and goodnight to all.

One fine Morning..

These days I just want to escape from reality whenever I can...

This photo was taken at sunrise on Saturday when we all went fishing to escape from the world of work. It was absolute bliss :).

Let this feeling never go away

Why couldn't everyday be nice and sunny? Right now I'm on my break and sitting in the outdoor seating area enjoying the fresh air thats coming from the bay just across from the club that I'm working at. It's calming...relaxing...peaceful. Sadly, I have to go back to work in half an hour.

At the moment, I'm sitting here just thinking and smiling (lucky I'm here alone ^^). Weather like this always affect my mood, makes me feel a bit more light, feeling like I could do anything, all the bad thats been happening, disappears and I can just breathe...

Just another day and it's my day off with my mister. I hope with all my heart that it's going to be beautiful weather on Wednesday. It's all I need. Please please please. Though the Weatherman  says otherwise ...I hope he's wrong.

It's almost another year passed...how quickly things just go by. In a few more weeks I'll be back home, sadly not for Christmas, as I have to work (which, by the way, kinda sucks...). The countdown begins...til Christmas...til New Years...til Vietnam...til then...

It's official: I'm getting out of here.

It'a official, I'm quitting here after Christmas. I've had enough. It's been too long. I can't say it's been a complete waste of time, I have had fun along the way. Lot of laughter shared. It's just time...

The plan is ... have 2 weeks to myself before I jet off to Vietnam for Tet. During that time, I'm going to try and catch up with friends. hang out with the siblings, take the boyfriend out and experiment in the kitchen and garden. try and get the most of of the this (so called) summer.

I've also been thinking, maybe the kitchen just isn't for me...don't get me wrong, I still love baking and cooking, just maybe, it's better that I keep it in my own kitchen. My plan to open my own patisserie is still on my mind...I just might have to take a detour to get there. I planned to do a pastry course next year but also pick up another course. I will find a way. Things will be alright. I'm sure.

It's almost Christmas and then the New year is upon us. It's still unclear to me what I'll do, but I'm hopeful and I'll figure it all out. I'm excited.

Food. It's what I do

Oh how I miss eating real food. I miss it so much. I've been eating the staff "food" here for about four months....its not food, its salted processed cardboard.... It feels like I havnt eaten anything for ages, yet I still gain weight and get pimples from all this crap.

I miss exploring foods when I go out. Now there's no time for that on my day off. I have a strong craving to try something new, to find a random restaurant/cafe to try. A different atmosphere, a place to amaze me, to wonder. sigh... I'm hoping this Sunday maybe I would be able too, but the chances are quite slim.

Food is my life..I like to share that passion. I want to take people out and to try these new restaurants that I find. But not everyone is like me, they dont spend money on food like I do. I dont care how much it costs as long as it tastes good. I used to take my sister out on Sundays and all we would do was eat eat and eat. We were happy. I miss those days. Come to think of it now, I guess my sister is the only one daring enough to eat with me (guessing its because I'm paying. I dont mind though).

I also miss baking at home... the days when I would devote a whole days off experimenting and grocery shopping. I loved succeeding and failing.I loved making a mess in the kitchen and letting my siblings help me measure out ingredients. I felt so relaxed and free.  Nowadays I dont have that luxury, and even if I dared to experiment at work, there's too many critics and I'm just not ready for that.

I'm hoping my next day off I'll have a chance to EAT again.

Things are amazing

Things are just awesome right now. I couldnt be more happier with where I am now than I did just one month ago.

Its funny how things can change so quickly... But really, now that I think back, it was only me who could make myself feel so down and no other. In actual facts, not much has changed, just my view.

I have a lot of love and support from so many people, and it makes me feel a lot more confident in myself. I needed that. I need someone to believe in me. Ok so sometimes, I may get all stubborn and hard headed for no reason at all,I regret that sometimes. I'm trying my best now, to be more open and not so....well...you know.

I've also got an awesome boyfriend, who takes care of me and drives me insane at the same time. Though I love that we can still joke, make fun of each other and argue about the most ridiculous things like we did the first time we met, and it's still cool.He can be so darn annoying the whole day at work-distracting me and giving me headaches, yet by the end of the day, it's fun and that's what get's me through. That's awesomeness. Also lucky for him it's cute or he'd have a black eye by now.

To be honest, with Mr Apple...I never really did love him...in that way, and when I ever did say the L word...it never meant as much as it does now with Ken. I wish I didnt but I do...regret sometimes saying "Love" just to make someone happy. That word has a whole new meaning now...being with Ken has made me feel a whole different way...something I hadnt felt before. I feel safe.  When I'm with him, I breathe easy, I dont think of anything, or worry. I'm so happy and grateful to have such a wonderful person.

Well it's late and its time for beddy byes. Got a date with my mister.

Lets keep it this way.

I finally bought myself a laptop, which probably means I'll be staying up half the night on this thing. One of the reasons why I held out for so long.

 So been thinking, and I'm getting pretty excited about Melbourne. Ok, so I dont have any definite plans yet but I cant wait to get out of this place and start something new. (seems like I get bored pretty easily.hmm). I might take a break from the kitchen for a lil bit. Apply for a customer service job in a patisserie hopefully. We'll see in time.


Also Vietnam in a few months, woop woop! Can't wait for that! though this time its only for 3 and a half weeks boo :( but during Lunar new year, yay! :).


In other news, finally graduated last Thursday! I'm now a qualified chef.


In more news;  I ddidn't receive my Advanced Diploma on my graduation because they say I didn't pay all my school fees (which is an error). So now I have to sort that out, which sorta, kinda sucks a lil. boo.


Any hows, for now, everything is ok. I'm more optimistic lately. When I think back to these past few months, I wonder why I felt so depressed, I still don't know the answer, but for now, things are just Ok.

Please, I'm sorry

I woke up this morning, feeling happy. Everything was finally ok.

For the past few days I had been trying to post up photos from my mobile, but that was a complete failure. I wanted to post photos that showed the reasons why I choose to stay here. The 1st reason being my boyfriend. I wanted to let him know That because I can't tell him...

Tonight, I'm going to bed feeling scared. I dont want to lose him...

*Slap* Thanks honey...

I hate it when he's right...he usually is too. Dammit.

I've got no one to talk to, so I talk to Ken. Even though I know he's going to be a complete non-compassionate jerk, I still talk to him. In the end...what he blankly says (without sugar coating a thing) he makes sense. I guess I'm lucky to have someone who keeps me grounded like that. It's a lil harsh though...gah men.

Ok so new direction. Just a few more months. Focus. Don't let others bother me. and remember that a trip to Vietnam is in just a few months. Aweeesome!

Still missing everyone. I miss talking to English speaking people...Everyone here is nice though. But still tiring hearing so much chinese. oh speaking of which, I've learnt a Kid's chinese song, yeah...that's sad.... LoL. I'll be fluent in chinese by the time I leave this place. Hip Hip Hơray...

Time's up. I'll try and post some photos of that wonderful place I'm working at. At the moment I've lost my cable...just my luck.

No one understands, no one ever will

No one knows...

I may laugh and joke all the time, but inside my soul is slowly dying each day.

Its hard... I dont know how much more I can take. Everyday I hope that today will be different, its not. Every week I hope that I finally get a day to just relax. I don't.

I don't want this life anymore...I want to be selfish, I want to not work and just play all day everyday. But that's not my life, I have responsibilities... I have to help support my family, set a good example. Do what I must, and that means I cant be selfish. No one understands. Its not that simple. I can't just quit. Its not a choice I have.

My 21st. What a joke. I had to work. That weekend I wanted a make up birthday, just a 'me' day, yeah...that didnt happen. I spent the whole day running errands. Its depressing. Truly. I havnt wanted to cry so much in my life. I don't, I can't.

Someone please take me away... Make me forget... Please...

Buzz....

My future is a blur: I can't see what I want anymore.

My 21st is coming up: I'm not as excited as I was a few months ago and this time I think I might just work through it.

My Life: Some days I wake up on top of the world, other days its just bleh. lately it's been the latter and I don't know why. Something is draining me

My love: I'm happy, he's the only one that keeps me grounded. Even if he does drive me completely insane sometimes. But I can't let him go. I might actually be in...real deep this time... and I still can't believe that it's me who needs him. He cares for me, it's all I need.

Now: It's my day off and the boy is about to pick me up and head back up north. boo.

Mistakes that lead me to you.

I woke up this morning feeling fresh, happy and carefree. Enjoying the morning air as I briskly walked to the train station in Gosford - I'm going home. at last.

I had time to visit the Viet bakery for some brekky. Comfort food. Chatted to the owner for a bit and she instantly smiled when she heard me speak in vietnamese. I know my viet sucks, but I knew she needed to hear it. She said to me "it's hard to find people from Vietnam here" I smiled and agreed, I couldn't say that I wasn't actually from Vietnam. I left as I entered, with a big smile. So cheesy, but I felt alive, the week has been hard and I finally got to just clear my mind and take in my surroundings. Even if it wasn't going to last...

The whole train ride back to Sydney, I laid back in my seat, admired the beauty of where I was and listened to a group of grannies talk about the lil things in life, simplicity. There was no rushing around, no stress, no worries. Time slowed down and it was bliss.

Overall, I'm fine. Things may not go the way I want, but in the grander scheme of things, what I said in my last blog was just a small part of what's been going on in my life at the moment. I'm quite content (to an extent) I joke and smile everyday, I forget all my troubles. I've found someone who makes me very happy and makes me feel safe just by being with them. I finally have someone who I can talk to and not be afraid, someone who knows how to joke with me and match my level of stubborness (if that were possible). I'm cared for and it's a nice feeling...because sometimes I'm tired of taking care of everyone else. I don't want flowers or candy or expensive gifts, I just need someone to be there for me. Simply so.

Numb; loss of emotion

Numb. The state that I've been in for the past month. This was not What I wanted, I knew that from the beginning. I just didnt realise that life would fade away and my days would just be filled with mindless work.

I don't have time to think about anything anymore. I used to be so up to date with what's going on in the industry and get super dooper excited about finding new recipes to try. I miss all that stuff. I miss baking and sharing my 'succesful' goods to my friends and family. I miss spending sundays with my baby sister, driving around geting lost, eating and shopping for kitchen equipment. I miss having impulses and acting on them, just because I could.

Sure, there's a good and bad side to eveything. I just don't like that there is no balance between life and work-as it should be. I can't speak my mind here, so I keep quiet. I cant do what I want so I do as others tell me. I dont get mad anymore because there is absolutely no point in arguing. Now it seems like its become my way of life. I don't like it. Its not me and it just plain sux.

I'm grateful, but I also need understanding...I'm trying, but I can't fool myself anymore, this just isnt for me.

Work Less, Live More

My right arm is so sooooooooooore. Not from work but from playing Wii. My goodness. Not playing that again without doing some arm warm ups.

I just got back home. Spent the whole day at the city, doing some shopping. Bought that piece above, a new top and some shoes. All on Credit, so bad. Totally forgot I didnt have any cash on me...almost couldnt get home. Luckily I found some change hidden in my bag.  I don't spend much up there so I don't see the need for carrying cash.  

Work is tres BORING. already over it. Could be because I'm just cutting cake all day and night. Tomorrow, I get my hands real dirty. Woop Woop. Oh and I visited my ex chef this arvo and he told me that this restaurant was looking for a pastry chef (experience not required) Frick! could have cried then and there. it's ok. I'll work for a another 7 or so months and move down to Melbourne. At the moment I'm just in cruise mode, not worrying so much, trying to have fun.

Watched the World Cup final at the Darling Harbour. I have no idea what I was thinking, I don't even watch soccer and to be there in the freezing cold, I must be out of my mind. It was fun though. I was late that morning for work, chef scoulded me, that wasnt nice. Lesson learned.

Going to take the baby sister out now, then hopefully catch up with Jenn before I go back up. Peace out.

"Speak Vietnamese!"

Home! This ends my first week at the new job. What a relief! I'm so sleepy at the moment, stayed up half the night, sitting on the cold wooden floors of my new bedroom doing my assignment due tomorrow (sorta tried doing it on my warm bed the night before, but that resulted with me waking up to a bunch of dfhkgkdfgshhjghajgriqwyrtiyg all over the screen.....)

so the new job....at the moment...not much happening, the usual 1st week introductions. I'm going to be spending 2 weeks just slicing cakes and plating them. After that, I get to make cakes, finally! it's easy to lose track of the days there. Everyday is the same routine, wake up at the same time, eat at the same time, do the same thing at the same time as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that! Though it does mean that time does go by a lil quicker when things just flow.

I'm doing a lot better now than I did the first couple of days. Also the first couple of days were just confusing and tiring. Majority of the staff there speak the universal language of chinese. So it gets a tad tiresome being new, not knowing what to do and unable to communicate with anyone. Like I said, I'm getting better and I can just get on with my tasks now and ignore all the chatter.

Everyone is super dooper nice. I still miss everyone at my previous job. it's so different in comparison. Maybe I'm just used to working with guys than with girls. They are different...apparently. I'm at home for this evening and packing in some other stuff to bring back to my new accomodation. I got a assigned a twin bedroom to myself. and it's pretty dull. So I need to bring some more of my junk to make it feel a tad more homey.

Back to work tomorrow. I'll be working with Kristine (maybe). I hadnt gotten a chance to work with her yet. I also need to get myself a laptop 'cause this week I had to borrow Kristine's and Ken (a co-worker)'s laptops this week to try and complete my final report. Must have been really annoying for them.

Ok I can't keep my eyes open anymore. so exhausted....and I still have to see Pipe...give him my assignment to hand in :(

New beginnings

Today's the day, I'm off to Central Coast to start my new job! I should be super duper excited, but at the moment I'm just exhausted. So many things to do, I havnt even finished packing yet. Havnt started that report that's due next week. gaaaaaaaaah. Plus the sister of mine had some kind of - what she tells me - "facebook family" gathering today at my house. That was annoying, especially because they were hanging in MY kitchen the whole time. They've finally left and it's peace and quiet. Excellent.

Look! my boss bought me that cupcake cake on Friday (my last day) so sweet (literally), so awesome, he knows me best. Oh yeah, when I say Boss, I mean my chef, I just like calling him that. I also got this huge card from the Friday morning shift crew-and they spelt my name all wrong. Too funny. Half my fault, should have told them the day they took that polaroid photo of me and wrote "NGE" underneath. The night shift crew also got me this cute card (same spelling mistakes =___=*) and a bottle of champagne. Too bad I don't drink, it was a nice looking bottle though^^. Going to miss them all. Not going to miss making all those darn pizzas though. I swear the night couldn't have ended sooner.

I should start packing now and get everything sorted. I kinda want to sleep though...didn't have a very good one last night. I'll sleep on the train.

Update from the last post. My brother didn't get me any new toys. boo :(

"Don't mention that you know how to make pizzas"

Darn that brother of mine. He's going to Supanova this weekend and asked me if I wanted anything and of course I want...TOYS TOYS TOYS!!!!! Golly just thinking about all the toys there just makes me spaz out, need some self control o______O". I remember the year I volunteered with Jenn and I spent a crap load of money on vinyl figures, blind boxes and goodness what else. I'm not going this year, purely for the fact that I have no time and have much more important things to do...and possibly because I'm broke..

On the same day, I'm going to head to my new job and meet the head chef. Hopefully i'll make a good impression. Thanks to Kristine for getting me the job. I'm so excited, it's something that I much rather do than make pizzas all day. I'll be working in the pastry section with Kristine (we're an awesome team when we're together) and by what Kristine tells me, it's exactly what I've wanted to do for a while.

I can't wait for Saturday, new job and news toys. whoop whoop  XD

Heading somwhere...

I made my first Bun Banh Bao w/ chicken filling the other day, turned out awesome! Though now, I'm sick of the buns already after making so many and gobbling up a few during the process and now bleh...

Got some news, might possibly be resigning from my current job soon. Kristine got me a job working with her somewhere just out of Sydney. She says I'll enjoy this job more than my current one. Hopefully it's true, I'm desperate for a change... I discussed it with my boss about the whole thing, and he understands, Phew! I still feel a lil bad. It's only natural right? To feel this way since he's been so good to me. I can't wait to start though, I know it wont be much, but it's a new fresh start in a different place, in a different section. I'm estatic!

So this means, I have to get a move on with my assignment, sinces it's on my current job, interview the manager, take some photos. Dread...

Of Course I brought my camera

This blog is dedicated to my Best Friend Catherine!

Happy

20th

Birthday!

(...for Friday, sorry about the delay..heheh...)

Back to Baking

Japanese pastry maker toy via TokyoMango

i'm excited for this week, lots and lots of baking to be done. It being winter, boss is reducing shifts (which sucks), giving me time to do what I love (which is aweeeesome). Two birthdays this week; My brother's and my bestie (just a day after). So I'm going to bake some cakes and tarts to celebrate both. Also Mr Frenchie is leaving for the UK to be reunited with his wife, so maybe some bake goods coming his way also.

I did some shopping today in preparation for this week, still a few ingredients I couldnt get my hands on , so shopping contiues tomorrow. Hopefully the weather will hold up, the news says heavy rain coming this way soon, and it aint going to be nice :S. So an early start might be wise.

In other news: Preparing for the trip to Vietnam begins, getting new passports, buying plane tix and saving for new camera and laptop for the trip.

In less interesting news: I think I need get my wisedom teeth out....

"I gave you extra chips so you can grow up to be big and strong girls"

Woke up at 2pm today...woke up to grey weather. I wanted to go to some vintage markets today but decided "maybe another time". Did take my sister to Balmain, and on the way noticed everything was closing, including this patisserie that looked yummy. I wrote down the website displayed on their window and found out that they need staff, so hopefully, maybe, I'll have a new job soon.

I went into a kitchen homeware shop (I can never resist) and bought some cookie cutters, a mixing bowl and come patty pan cases (pink with white polka dots). I would have went into the Essential Ingredient as well...but they closed. So next time, if it aint raining, I'm waking up early and have a look see. Also went past this adorable toy shop, which aparently opened today! Didnt get to go in though :(. Next time for sure. The store is called What's That La, I thought that was funny, brought me right back to high school.

I'm also doing a lil project of my own, and see how it works out. If it's successful, I'll post ot up. It's got nothing to do with cookery though. Pipe already stole my sample and now I've got to start over, grrr.

til next time. Peace.

Some home time

After two days of rain, it's clearing up today. Always nice to see. Unfortunately, I've got work tonight, and I want it to rain this arvo so the bar will close early. Doubtful though.

I bought Pushing Daisies season 2 yesterday and finished watching it last night. I love watching this show, it's quirky, a lil bit dark and oh so romantic. Always makes me smile and aw watching this show, and also burst out in laughter at times. It's the final season too. Boo :(

Stayed at home this week on my days off, in my PJs, snuggled up in blankets in front of the tele watching movies. Havnt done that in a while. It's nice just chilling at home, sleeping in, instead of waking up early in the morn and getting ready to go out. Though it's fun to go out and hang with friends, some alone time isnt so bad. Besides it's unfair when I wake up early, and a certain somebody gets an extra hour of sleep since I gotta meet him at his house. I'm sick of the city, I go to the city to work, I go to the city to meet friends. City is getting booooooooooooooring. A few more months and I'm off to the country side in Vietnam, cant wait!

I'm sure he said he was 21, though I feel like I'm with a 10 year old

Finally got to watch How To Train Your Dragon yesterday, funny cute film, enjoyed it with Alfie, Yi and Pipe. The plan was to go bowling but the lack of people who showed up, we decided to have Pepper Lunch and watch a film. Being Mother's day as well, I had to leave early and start preparing dinner for dear mum.

The brother and I chipped in to buy mum a TV for her room, since we've only got one and it's usually occupied my either my brother, sister or myself, she doesn't get to enjoy her beloved korean/chinese series after a hard days work. She's pretty happy. Though now our kettle has died..boo, gotta go and buy a kettle as well now :(. Dont know how I'm gonna save enough for a trip to Vietnam if I keep spending.

Today I had to go help Pipe register for his IELTS...I kinda lost/misplaced his passport photos...so I had to go and pay for the new ones, and fill our his registration form that he lied about completing a few days ago...he can be such a child, I swear. I came home exhausted and just crashed into my bed and dozed off instantly...

Gah I don't feel like working tomorrow...craving easyway now. Kettle's broke so we gotta boil water in a pot for the time being, sucks major. I'm going to just chill infront of the tele now...still exhausted.

I've got the cravings...

I've been craving for a big greasy burger for a while now, but I can never get my hands on one, so unfair. Everytime, I have an opportunity, I'm either full, I'm with someone-which means I gotta eat what they're having. Tonight, I'm going down to maccas and buying myself a Big Mac, I deserve it ;).

I also want a book to read, I want that feeling of getting lost inside a good book. I've been to Kinokuniya a few time in between work this week and there's just so many books, I have no idea where to start. Wish someone would just hand me the book I'm looking for. I went back today, but as I was suppose to meet Pipe, I couldnt continue my search. Bummer.

I've been getting frequent headaches and feeing light headed lately. Couldnt be possibly the lack of eating, because I do a lot of that, lack of water? nah. I was worried, went to the docs on Sunday and did a blood test. I'll find out the results on Saturday, maybe I'm missing something from my diet. Though I've noticed that I havnt been eating a lot of red meat..low iron levels and such, I tell myself I should, but it's never what i'm craving.

"I think I could do that"

I bought this on Thursday, in love with the design. LOVE. I was suppose to be looking for dresses, and that was obviously going to fail the moment I was going to go shopping. Dresses aint my thing.

My thoughts of moving to Melbourne next year have resurfaced, it kind of went away after thinking, maybe someone might not be able to handle it if I went for so long, but screw it, it's a step I need to take, and hopefully things work out. I asked my brother if he wanted to move with me, at least then maybe he can start "fresh" and finally do something with his life. The boy has been stuck in this house long enough. I'm scared, we will either be brought closer and things could get ugly. The plan was I work and he studies, but we'll see...he's considering the possiblity.

Time will tell. now back to the now, I'm off to my boss's dinner for his daughter.

I'm hungry again...

Look, My "N" necklace finally came in the post today,along with my Mae (a)fternoon CD. So excited, I'm listening to the CD right now..

I'm exhausted from a long day at work...straight out of the long weekend. Wasnt very busy but still tiring. Couldnt wake up because it was so cold this morning, but sister needed me to drive her to school so no choice but to get up, and get ready to go to work.

In other news, Pipe is coming back this Friday, so I'm taking my friday lunch shift off and picking up the man at the airport. Though he has yet to call me to tell me the flight number and arrival time. I can't wait to see him and give him a huge hug, missed him so much.

In more news, I found out today that at my boss's daughter's birthday dinner this weekend, I'm going to be seated right next to the head chef, gah, I was so excited, why did he have to ruin it? Still cant wait to see little Belinda again, so adorable. Apparently I'm going to be helping out on the evening, dont know what I'll be expected to do, I was looking forward to just chowing down and relaxing. Oh, which reminds me, gotta buy a baby present.

"oh please talk to me, everyone has been so mean"

Met a Daniel Radcliffe look/sound-a-like the other day, uncanny I tell you (though with glasses and blonde brown hair). Totally got me to sign up for some earth conservation thingy...I'm a sucker.

Last Sunday went out with Jenn to watch Jean Michel of Baroque Bistro & Patisserie make Macarons at the 30 Day Home and Entertainment show (photo of one of the displays above). Macarons tasted awesome, the demo left me bored... lets just say...some people think they're funny when they aint. yawn. I bought a Rose water flavoured Macaron in the end. Jenn and I left the show with a headache, boredom and a tummy full of macarons.

Caught up with dear Catherine briefly for lunch yesterday as she had to head home and do some uni work, busy girl she is. Always awesome to see and catch up with her. Everytime I do see her, I'm reminded that my 21st is this year and have no idea what I could be doing to celebrate it. hmm...

In other news; Pipe called me this arvo, for a very brief minute (litterally), he never has time to talk to me, why bother sometimes. Though I was a bit teary when he did call (damn, that absolutely sucks that he had that affect on me. Sucks major). I think these past two weeks not seeing him has done me some good, I need some ME time..which really resulted in me and others-being work, Jenn, Cath, dinners out-to distract me from thinking about him. BLAH!!!

That's been the week, cliffs note anyway. Work tomorrow again, time for beddybyes.

Things that reminded me..

Stumbled upon this blog post on How About Orange and it was of this origami money shirt and tie. I used to make these in high school (minus the tie), I was so proud of myself. I used to fold the plastic $5 notes I had and stuffed them in my wallet as emergency money. Of course at that time, mum said I was playing with money...

"Don't get upset, your pastries will come out bitter"

My Rhubarb, Apple and Cinnamon Pies have just FAILED, so bad. Better luck next time. The pastry did taste nice though, added a little bit of mixed spice in the crust, smelt delish, too bad the filling "erupted". Boo. Mum was right, you gotta be in the right mood or your creations will taste bitter. why is mum always right?

Spent my day off with Jenn today, drove around as always. I've been feeling a lil blue, Pipe hasnt called me (I know he's busy catching up with everyone in Thailand, but I miss him calling me everyday). But the day with Jenn cheered me right up. She's awesome like that. Just spent the day near our houses, I really didnt feel like going anywhere far...especially since I work in the city all week, does get somewhat boring.  

Work tomorrow...14hours of non stop fun *cough*. Better head to bed. good night all.

I was feeling down for a bit but now I'm fine

Since my sister has started high school and the increase addition of contacts on her MSN messenger list, I pretty much don't even go near the computer anymore. Today I thought it was long overdue for an update.

The weather is getting cooler, which is ok, since the sun is still shining. Love waking up to sunshine and blue skies, always makes me smile and especially with Mr Apple away in Thailand for 3 weeks I need something to keep me from missing him too much (I know, barf, don't care.)

So cooler weather, dreaded winter coming up, I'm getting back to baking. Havnt been able to do that in a while. Starting from today, I just baked up a batch of my fave Choc and Hazelnut cookies, mmm, heart warming.

Hopefully, once in a while I get to try some new recipes (I'm craving somemthing with apples) and post them up here.

Time to head to work. Peace.

"You Passed!"

Did my test for my Provision 2s yesterday, and PASS. woo.

I went to Pipe'se house yesterday cause' he said he wouldnt be able to see me today because he has to wooooooooooooork. Again. (same old tale told over and over). I hate it when I'm with him and he has to play computer games, I know how much he loves playing them but, seriously, I drove all the way and all he does is play games. I dont mind, as long as I dont see. In the end, from all the boredom, I fell asleep on his couch...and snored away...as I was told. How embarrassing...

This week of non-happenings.

Its raining...and this time it's actually a lil comforting, especially the thunder and lightning at night. Mental as always this weather.

It took me two hours to get to work yesterday afternoon, and I was half an hour late. Ridiculous. Some incident with one of the trains and delayed every train in both directions. But whatever, half an hour less endurance with a certain co-worker.

I've got this nasty cough that wont go away...not that I'm doing anything about it. I've been waking up in the middle of the night to a coughing fit that wont stop for at least an hour. Killer on me. It might possibly help if I stop eating all the greasy food I've consumed these past two weeks.

I got a hair trim on Australia Day...it cost me $25, that's totally over priced for a trim. Lame, and they ruined my fringe...

I also applied as a volunteer at this years Taste of Sydney...we'll see if I get picked. although my boss was working there last year (He didnt tell me about it last year, his response was "we'll you're studying hospitality, you should be up to date with current events and trends"blah, sounds like all my lecturers). See if he can get me in this year. it's called: Networking.

Anyhows, I'm craving some Mama noodles...might cook me up some.

If the world spun the opposite direction maybe everything would be alright. Maybe.

"What if there's nothing more to us, we're just carbon based, we're just pixie dust..."

The dude I work with every Friday, for some reason speaks at a higher than above normal speaking level and so I feel the need to speak louder for him to be able to hear me and since I've been sick all week, I'm losing my voice.

I had to drag myself to work this week even though I was sick and I called in to say that I wouldnt be able to come in. but in the end, I'm still working. I took all the bullshit this week, from dealing with ungrateful customers, lazy co-workers and pushy staff. Leave me alone! I had headaches and wanted to puke numerous times and no one cares.

I want to be selfish, not to care, stop trying to make everyone happy. I want to sleep soundly every night without a worry. But I cant, yet everyone else can. Screw you.

Something's gonna happen...eventually.

I am so bored at the moment. Hate Mondays. and I dont even work. Considering changing my Tuesday shift to Monday...which probably means I have to work double, since Mr Apple cant get a day off on Mondays anymore.

Everything is so unorganised...at the moment I'm just going through everyday as it comes. No real plans as yet. Havnt gotten my head around anything, about what I should do. Just seems like I'm waiting for something to happen...not sure if anything will.

I was looking at apartments in Melbourne the other day...possibly moving there after my trip to Vietnam this year. I'm going to work and see where life takes me when I'm on my own. I'm sick of all these restrictions and I hate seeing my step dad at my house when he thinks I'm at work. Though I was considering moving overseas, maybe just moving interstate is as adventurous as I can get at the moment.

We'll see, we'll see.

Awesome food, awful atmosphere

I woke up late this morning...I woke up an hour before I had start work and my ipod had died. 10minutes of charging wouldnt last me... but it lasted me the train ride home this evening, boo ya!

Made it to work on time, phew! Quiet today. Annoyed my boss and manager as per usual, it gets me through the day. Met up with Pipe after work, he took me to this Japanese restuarant with no ventilation and a very strong fish smell. Though seemingly dodgy, the food was oh my god, yum! I dont really like Japanese food and when Pipe suggested it, I was abit iffy, but this place might have converted me.

Though I came home pretty upset this evening, wasnt what I had expected and arriving home to find my step dad around did not make things any better. Also I have to work with this guy I used to always work with, who didnt do his fair share of cleaning, and I'm always the one stuck with him...he's back tomorrow. He said he would never come back...but he has. Sucks major.

New topic...Took my sister out on Sunday, drove around, took her to eat. Took her to Adriano Zumbo's patisserie. Didnt really like the dessert, a lil bit too different for my liking, though I do like his whacky ideas, even though my taste isnt quite aquired. I also got my Bun Rieu I had been craving for, a restaurant Luke Nguyen recommended me...and though he did say it wasnt the best...he was right. I have fun driving around with my sister, she's my lil navigator with my street directory. She knows where I'm going and how to get there, without her I'd be lost (literally).

I got $100 from my mum's workmates today. Apparently they dont feel right for eating my cakes without giving something in return. I totally appreciate them for donating money to me, but totally unecessary. I must call them tomorrow to thank them. Plus its awesome that they even eat my cakes, must thank them in my speech when I open my patisserie ;).

So hard to trust someone, but so easy to lose trust in someone

My neighbour, who I dont talk to ever, randomly waved a dead fish at me as I was driving by the other day...weird.

I feel like eating some Salt n Pepper Calamari...I dont usually like seafood, and calamari might be my least fave of the lot..especially since it's deep fired...but I'm craving some. Must find a place that sells some awesome seasoned calamari...

At the beginning of the week I had be feeling rather down and unsatisified with where my life is at the moment and that episode on New Years didnt make me feel any better. I had been very angry with myself, upset with others..Pipe didnt know what to do about me and he had been working hard every night and all I had been doing was mope around. I needed someone to talk to, but I didnt know who I could express my feelings to, someone who wouldnt make me feel even worse (which had happened, its so easy to lose trust in someone but so hard to trust in that person in the first place). I didnt end up really getting everything off my chest, I could never really, no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldnt allow myself to be transparent...to be valnerable.

I ate and ate this week. Every morning (or midday...I stay up waiting for Pipe to finish working at 12-1am to talk to him until he gets home), I wake up and I'm hungry...like super hungry and I cant just eat anything at home, I have to go out and eat something exciting. So I've been talking my sister around eating at some asian restaurants this week, it's been satisfying, not in the pockets but the tummy. I walk out of the restaurant and I'm smilling and everything just seems ok. I love eating. I went back to Hello Happy this week as well..when was it that I went last?...anyhows, I had a Blueberry Cheesecake (pictured above) so yummy, and that's saying something, I make really good cheesecake myself. Though this one was more creamy that cheesy, but no matter, still yum all around.

I need to kick start myself again, gotta go and search for a second job, something that I'll love. but I'm going to search for more patisseries to try, my tastebuds are getting excited. I've got this cake warehouse to go to and buy some equipment and some boxes, I've got some ideas and experiments to try starting from Sunday...

Back to double Fridays, the four day weekends for the past two weeks have been good, but not good enough. Not to worry I'm working with this dude who loves talking about food and gives all this info about food I never knew before and he cooks me an awesome dinner every Friday night (too bad he only works once a week, the other days he works with Pipe in another restaurant, lucky...). Best get some sleep now..I wont be getting any until early Saturday morning when the sun has risen.

Happy New Year...Yeah Right.

So far, the New Year just sucks. Beginning with being tricked into taking an into the New Years-missing the flipping fireworks with my boyfriend-shift. What ticks me off the most is that the guy doesnt feel bad at all, I trusted the douche bag. Everyone seemed to have known he was manipulating and that I should have said "no", not only did I feel stupid and sad, Pipe was upset with me as well, so not cool. The jerk didnt even do the prep he promised me and took up all my work space making dough that he was suppose to make at 6 in the morn not 5 in the arvo, half an hour before service so I couldnt do anything. Jerk.

I got home at 6am New Years Day, Pipe came to my work 20mins before the fireworks, not that we saw jack sh..., stupid buildings blocked everything. But I was happy he came, he stayed until the bar closed at 2am and helped me make pizzas. Though he was still pretty upset with me and he was extremely tired.

New Years day - I slept through it, everytime I woke up I just kept feeling really bad and angry at that jerk who tricked me. I pretty much wanted to pig out all day, screw diet, I wanted to just stuff my face with all the junk I could find to make myself feel better, but in the end I stopped myself and went back to sleep....

This morning I woke up thinking, I dont want to be here, I want to be somewhere else. Why didnt I follow my plan and be working overseas right now and not have went through this crap? Sometimes I'm scared. I dont want to be following someone elses dream and regret not doing what I want later. I dont want to hurt anyone but sometimes...I do need to say "no" I need to start saying it more. Next Year after my trip to Vietnam, I'm moving across the pacific, I'm leaving this place for a year and start fresh.

New note: Mental weather today, rain, sun, rain, thunder and sunshine. Though I must admit after the rain clouds had gone and blue skies appeared, the street was glistening from where the sunlight hit wet ground, was quite refreshing. The Rain washed all the crap away...

I took my sister out today to eat and shop. Found this cake shop called "Hello Happy", Korean bakery. I dont usually like going into asian bakeries and patisseries, no matter how super cute and delish they look, they usually taste pretty awful-yet they're so popular (like 85 degrees, to me, one of the worst cakes I've ever had). But the cakes here were pretty and yum! was delightedly surprised, at the price they were I was so glad I wasnt disappointed. Definitely visiting that place again.

I'm starting to collect ideas for creating my own desserts, my deadline is in a week when Pipe and I start experimenting in the kitchen, spending once a week cooking dishes and putting them into a portfolio, should be fun, but a lil stressful at times. I know I have a lot of work to do and most of my desserts will fail the first few times, but thats what I need.

I hope this year will be good to me and things will turn around. Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

He Loves me, even when he Hates me