Please, I'm sorry

I woke up this morning, feeling happy. Everything was finally ok.

For the past few days I had been trying to post up photos from my mobile, but that was a complete failure. I wanted to post photos that showed the reasons why I choose to stay here. The 1st reason being my boyfriend. I wanted to let him know That because I can't tell him...

Tonight, I'm going to bed feeling scared. I dont want to lose him...

*Slap* Thanks honey...

I hate it when he's right...he usually is too. Dammit.

I've got no one to talk to, so I talk to Ken. Even though I know he's going to be a complete non-compassionate jerk, I still talk to him. In the end...what he blankly says (without sugar coating a thing) he makes sense. I guess I'm lucky to have someone who keeps me grounded like that. It's a lil harsh though...gah men.

Ok so new direction. Just a few more months. Focus. Don't let others bother me. and remember that a trip to Vietnam is in just a few months. Aweeesome!

Still missing everyone. I miss talking to English speaking people...Everyone here is nice though. But still tiring hearing so much chinese. oh speaking of which, I've learnt a Kid's chinese song, yeah...that's sad.... LoL. I'll be fluent in chinese by the time I leave this place. Hip Hip Hơray...

Time's up. I'll try and post some photos of that wonderful place I'm working at. At the moment I've lost my cable...just my luck.

No one understands, no one ever will

No one knows...

I may laugh and joke all the time, but inside my soul is slowly dying each day.

Its hard... I dont know how much more I can take. Everyday I hope that today will be different, its not. Every week I hope that I finally get a day to just relax. I don't.

I don't want this life anymore...I want to be selfish, I want to not work and just play all day everyday. But that's not my life, I have responsibilities... I have to help support my family, set a good example. Do what I must, and that means I cant be selfish. No one understands. Its not that simple. I can't just quit. Its not a choice I have.

My 21st. What a joke. I had to work. That weekend I wanted a make up birthday, just a 'me' day, yeah...that didnt happen. I spent the whole day running errands. Its depressing. Truly. I havnt wanted to cry so much in my life. I don't, I can't.

Someone please take me away... Make me forget... Please...