This week of non-happenings.

Its raining...and this time it's actually a lil comforting, especially the thunder and lightning at night. Mental as always this weather.

It took me two hours to get to work yesterday afternoon, and I was half an hour late. Ridiculous. Some incident with one of the trains and delayed every train in both directions. But whatever, half an hour less endurance with a certain co-worker.

I've got this nasty cough that wont go away...not that I'm doing anything about it. I've been waking up in the middle of the night to a coughing fit that wont stop for at least an hour. Killer on me. It might possibly help if I stop eating all the greasy food I've consumed these past two weeks.

I got a hair trim on Australia Day...it cost me $25, that's totally over priced for a trim. Lame, and they ruined my fringe...

I also applied as a volunteer at this years Taste of Sydney...we'll see if I get picked. although my boss was working there last year (He didnt tell me about it last year, his response was "we'll you're studying hospitality, you should be up to date with current events and trends"blah, sounds like all my lecturers). See if he can get me in this year. it's called: Networking.

Anyhows, I'm craving some Mama noodles...might cook me up some.

If the world spun the opposite direction maybe everything would be alright. Maybe.

"What if there's nothing more to us, we're just carbon based, we're just pixie dust..."

The dude I work with every Friday, for some reason speaks at a higher than above normal speaking level and so I feel the need to speak louder for him to be able to hear me and since I've been sick all week, I'm losing my voice.

I had to drag myself to work this week even though I was sick and I called in to say that I wouldnt be able to come in. but in the end, I'm still working. I took all the bullshit this week, from dealing with ungrateful customers, lazy co-workers and pushy staff. Leave me alone! I had headaches and wanted to puke numerous times and no one cares.

I want to be selfish, not to care, stop trying to make everyone happy. I want to sleep soundly every night without a worry. But I cant, yet everyone else can. Screw you.

Something's gonna happen...eventually.

I am so bored at the moment. Hate Mondays. and I dont even work. Considering changing my Tuesday shift to Monday...which probably means I have to work double, since Mr Apple cant get a day off on Mondays anymore.

Everything is so unorganised...at the moment I'm just going through everyday as it comes. No real plans as yet. Havnt gotten my head around anything, about what I should do. Just seems like I'm waiting for something to happen...not sure if anything will.

I was looking at apartments in Melbourne the other day...possibly moving there after my trip to Vietnam this year. I'm going to work and see where life takes me when I'm on my own. I'm sick of all these restrictions and I hate seeing my step dad at my house when he thinks I'm at work. Though I was considering moving overseas, maybe just moving interstate is as adventurous as I can get at the moment.

We'll see, we'll see.

Awesome food, awful atmosphere

I woke up late this morning...I woke up an hour before I had start work and my ipod had died. 10minutes of charging wouldnt last me... but it lasted me the train ride home this evening, boo ya!

Made it to work on time, phew! Quiet today. Annoyed my boss and manager as per usual, it gets me through the day. Met up with Pipe after work, he took me to this Japanese restuarant with no ventilation and a very strong fish smell. Though seemingly dodgy, the food was oh my god, yum! I dont really like Japanese food and when Pipe suggested it, I was abit iffy, but this place might have converted me.

Though I came home pretty upset this evening, wasnt what I had expected and arriving home to find my step dad around did not make things any better. Also I have to work with this guy I used to always work with, who didnt do his fair share of cleaning, and I'm always the one stuck with him...he's back tomorrow. He said he would never come back...but he has. Sucks major.

New topic...Took my sister out on Sunday, drove around, took her to eat. Took her to Adriano Zumbo's patisserie. Didnt really like the dessert, a lil bit too different for my liking, though I do like his whacky ideas, even though my taste isnt quite aquired. I also got my Bun Rieu I had been craving for, a restaurant Luke Nguyen recommended me...and though he did say it wasnt the best...he was right. I have fun driving around with my sister, she's my lil navigator with my street directory. She knows where I'm going and how to get there, without her I'd be lost (literally).

I got $100 from my mum's workmates today. Apparently they dont feel right for eating my cakes without giving something in return. I totally appreciate them for donating money to me, but totally unecessary. I must call them tomorrow to thank them. Plus its awesome that they even eat my cakes, must thank them in my speech when I open my patisserie ;).

So hard to trust someone, but so easy to lose trust in someone

My neighbour, who I dont talk to ever, randomly waved a dead fish at me as I was driving by the other day...weird.

I feel like eating some Salt n Pepper Calamari...I dont usually like seafood, and calamari might be my least fave of the lot..especially since it's deep fired...but I'm craving some. Must find a place that sells some awesome seasoned calamari...

At the beginning of the week I had be feeling rather down and unsatisified with where my life is at the moment and that episode on New Years didnt make me feel any better. I had been very angry with myself, upset with others..Pipe didnt know what to do about me and he had been working hard every night and all I had been doing was mope around. I needed someone to talk to, but I didnt know who I could express my feelings to, someone who wouldnt make me feel even worse (which had happened, its so easy to lose trust in someone but so hard to trust in that person in the first place). I didnt end up really getting everything off my chest, I could never really, no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldnt allow myself to be transparent...to be valnerable.

I ate and ate this week. Every morning (or midday...I stay up waiting for Pipe to finish working at 12-1am to talk to him until he gets home), I wake up and I'm hungry...like super hungry and I cant just eat anything at home, I have to go out and eat something exciting. So I've been talking my sister around eating at some asian restaurants this week, it's been satisfying, not in the pockets but the tummy. I walk out of the restaurant and I'm smilling and everything just seems ok. I love eating. I went back to Hello Happy this week as well..when was it that I went last?...anyhows, I had a Blueberry Cheesecake (pictured above) so yummy, and that's saying something, I make really good cheesecake myself. Though this one was more creamy that cheesy, but no matter, still yum all around.

I need to kick start myself again, gotta go and search for a second job, something that I'll love. but I'm going to search for more patisseries to try, my tastebuds are getting excited. I've got this cake warehouse to go to and buy some equipment and some boxes, I've got some ideas and experiments to try starting from Sunday...

Back to double Fridays, the four day weekends for the past two weeks have been good, but not good enough. Not to worry I'm working with this dude who loves talking about food and gives all this info about food I never knew before and he cooks me an awesome dinner every Friday night (too bad he only works once a week, the other days he works with Pipe in another restaurant, lucky...). Best get some sleep now..I wont be getting any until early Saturday morning when the sun has risen.

Happy New Year...Yeah Right.

So far, the New Year just sucks. Beginning with being tricked into taking an into the New Years-missing the flipping fireworks with my boyfriend-shift. What ticks me off the most is that the guy doesnt feel bad at all, I trusted the douche bag. Everyone seemed to have known he was manipulating and that I should have said "no", not only did I feel stupid and sad, Pipe was upset with me as well, so not cool. The jerk didnt even do the prep he promised me and took up all my work space making dough that he was suppose to make at 6 in the morn not 5 in the arvo, half an hour before service so I couldnt do anything. Jerk.

I got home at 6am New Years Day, Pipe came to my work 20mins before the fireworks, not that we saw jack sh..., stupid buildings blocked everything. But I was happy he came, he stayed until the bar closed at 2am and helped me make pizzas. Though he was still pretty upset with me and he was extremely tired.

New Years day - I slept through it, everytime I woke up I just kept feeling really bad and angry at that jerk who tricked me. I pretty much wanted to pig out all day, screw diet, I wanted to just stuff my face with all the junk I could find to make myself feel better, but in the end I stopped myself and went back to sleep....

This morning I woke up thinking, I dont want to be here, I want to be somewhere else. Why didnt I follow my plan and be working overseas right now and not have went through this crap? Sometimes I'm scared. I dont want to be following someone elses dream and regret not doing what I want later. I dont want to hurt anyone but sometimes...I do need to say "no" I need to start saying it more. Next Year after my trip to Vietnam, I'm moving across the pacific, I'm leaving this place for a year and start fresh.

New note: Mental weather today, rain, sun, rain, thunder and sunshine. Though I must admit after the rain clouds had gone and blue skies appeared, the street was glistening from where the sunlight hit wet ground, was quite refreshing. The Rain washed all the crap away...

I took my sister out today to eat and shop. Found this cake shop called "Hello Happy", Korean bakery. I dont usually like going into asian bakeries and patisseries, no matter how super cute and delish they look, they usually taste pretty awful-yet they're so popular (like 85 degrees, to me, one of the worst cakes I've ever had). But the cakes here were pretty and yum! was delightedly surprised, at the price they were I was so glad I wasnt disappointed. Definitely visiting that place again.

I'm starting to collect ideas for creating my own desserts, my deadline is in a week when Pipe and I start experimenting in the kitchen, spending once a week cooking dishes and putting them into a portfolio, should be fun, but a lil stressful at times. I know I have a lot of work to do and most of my desserts will fail the first few times, but thats what I need.

I hope this year will be good to me and things will turn around. Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

He Loves me, even when he Hates me