He Loves Me...Not

He loves me...He loves me not...

It wasn't going to last forever and we both knew that. Forever ended yesterday.
 He never did love me, deep inside I knew that but for a long time I pretended that he did because I loved him and I still do... I must be stupid but I can't help it.

I have never felt this way about anyone before, from the very beginning he had a hold on me and he didn't even know. Many have questioned my choice to be with him, they had doubts about him but I have never had a second thought or regret. He has always been good to me, I have never had to worry that he would ever lie or cheat on me, because, as I mentioned before, he's honest about everything to me, even about the fact that he doesn't love me. Its all been real, too real and I guess this is one of the reasons why I can't hate him. Hating him would be so much easier...


The drive to Gosford yesterday was hard, this one sided relationship was going on for far too long, and I knew that one day we would soon resent each other and I didn't want that. I had to end it even if it is causing me so much heart ache right now. It was mutual, we wanted the best for each other...but deep inside I really wished that he had held me tightly, kiss me and told me that everything will be alright and that he loved me...he didn't, and that was reality.

I hugged him as tightly as I could yesterday for the last time, held in my tears for as best as I could and said goodbye. I wish I could say that I could still be friends with him..but that's just far too complicated.

He was my first love...he was my knight in shining armour, but he wasn't my prince.